//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries.html These are taken as I worked and there is some infrequent swearing. If you are easily offended, this treatment isn't for you anyway! They are in chronological order, with the most recent appearing first. They have been hugely instructive to me preparing and annotating them. I hope much of what I do comes over. DO read the commentary to all the clips. Each one triggered thoughts which are a part of the whole process. We haven't taken a huge amount of footage early on as I was quite resistant to it. Looking back, I see that was a mistake! I'm hoping to improve the quality of the clips once the site is finished.. iWeb 1.1.2 //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries_files/71.png //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries.html 60 These are taken as I worked and there is some infrequent swearing. If you are easily offended, this treatment isn't for you anyway! They are in chronological order, with the most recent appearing first. They have been hugely instr These are taken as I worked and there is some infrequent swearing. If you are easily offended, this treatment isn't for you anyway! They are in chronological order, with the most recent appearing first. They have been hugely instructive to me preparing and annotating them. I hope much of what I do comes over. DO read the commentary to all the clips. Each one triggered thoughts which are a part of the whole process. We haven't taken a huge amount of footage early on as I was quite resistant to it. Looking back, I see that was a mistake! I'm hoping to improve the quality of the clips once the site is finished.. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/94014EB9-192B-41C6-88FD-4F0D4352ADF4.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/94014EB9-192B-41C6-88FD-4F0D4352ADF4.html Tue, 20 Jun 2006 18:08:27 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/94014EB9-192B-41C6-88FD-4F0D4352ADF4_files/My%20SCI%20Recovery-1.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/My%20SCI%20Recovery.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>This video clip shows what was, for me, my first 1%. (I always knew if I could get this then the percentages would slowly add up to 100.) Something significant happened and I called my parents up to 00:00:22 This video clip shows what was, for me, my first 1%. (I always knew if I could get this then the percentages would slowly add up to 100.) Something significant happened and I called my parents up to This video clip shows what was, for me, my first 1%. (I always knew if I could get this then the percentages would slowly add up to 100.) Something significant happened and I called my parents up to witness it and video it on my mobile (hence poor quality footage) scared that it might not happen again. Inevitably it did though! I am able to slide my left leg out to the side. This was something I was not able to do before, nor indeed something I thought to try to do. It was the first time my mind made me go inside my body and create a change. All the changes that have taken place have been TINY TINY TINY. And for every visible change I had to work hard to build up the tension and connection - which at times was a daunting task as it seemed work without immediate reward. Always the same nagging question: is it working? After a while though, I started to recognise the pattern and learn to be more unconditional and patient with myself - with Hratch having to remind me constantly! But together they have been adding up to the bigger changes and I have to remember to look back when I'm feeling impatience and accept my achievements and the changes. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/638FA64B-588E-4093-A6C1-4232B46142B6.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/638FA64B-588E-4093-A6C1-4232B46142B6.html Wed, 28 Feb 2007 19:18:15 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/638FA64B-588E-4093-A6C1-4232B46142B6_files/MC%20footage%20disc%205-2.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%205-2.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>The first thing that strikes me about this clip is how paralysed and and skinny my legs looks and how bony the knee is with no muscle around it. There is a lot less control in the leg than a year lat 00:01:22 The first thing that strikes me about this clip is how paralysed and and skinny my legs looks and how bony the knee is with no muscle around it. There is a lot less control in the leg than a year lat The first thing that strikes me about this clip is how paralysed and and skinny my legs looks and how bony the knee is with no muscle around it. There is a lot less control in the leg than a year later. It just seems that there isn't the drive or the force in it. Don't get me wrong, I can hear the exertion in my breathing (when I'm not joking), but there just weren't the connections for me to get more out of the leg. However, part of this is also to capture any feeling or sensation. When something is moving, if I can get inside and feel what it is that should be making it happen, it's all part of making the connections at a conscious level. More connections equal more control. For me, this is a beautiful clip, and serves to remind me how much has changed and how far I have already come. There is just no short-cutting all these hours. At the beginning you can hear Hratch telling me to just push. Since I didn't have control or feeling at that point, he just has to get it all working, to get tension building up, and any sort of reaction. Separating off individual muscles is a long way off yet. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/0EC3150B-F0D1-4A2B-A360-ED512E53F25F.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/0EC3150B-F0D1-4A2B-A360-ED512E53F25F.html Wed, 28 Feb 2007 19:06:33 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/0EC3150B-F0D1-4A2B-A360-ED512E53F25F_files/MC%20footage%20disc%205-1.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%205-1.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>This exercise is hard on so many levels. The stomach muscles kill. I'm trying to lift the legs up towards my face and stop them falling sideways. And always with the lift I felt like I could get them 00:01:59 This exercise is hard on so many levels. The stomach muscles kill. I'm trying to lift the legs up towards my face and stop them falling sideways. And always with the lift I felt like I could get them This exercise is hard on so many levels. The stomach muscles kill. I'm trying to lift the legs up towards my face and stop them falling sideways. And always with the lift I felt like I could get them up to a certain point and then not know how to pull the knees up and over. It's hard when you don't feel. And when he grabs hold of me and helps - again he still knows at what level I'm making the effort and keeps me at maximum - this is so that I can remember how it happens and make the connection between movement and feeling. Often I will find myself asking him, how do you do this or that movement? When you do such and such, which muscle is it that moves or pulls, etc? It's funny that you can forget. But then it's not really forgetting. Most of our movements are instinctive: we don't think about what it is that we do. So I'm having to retrain my muscles on a conscious level, unlike a baby. Pretty tall order, and one requiring a lot of attention and thought. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/16BCD334-7580-45AD-BF30-915E5FBDD662.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/16BCD334-7580-45AD-BF30-915E5FBDD662.html Wed, 28 Feb 2007 18:58:07 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/16BCD334-7580-45AD-BF30-915E5FBDD662_files/MC%20footage%20disc%205-0.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%205-0.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>This is another example of having to relearn something. I had been doing kicking exercises for sometime when I was at my nephew's christening and saw a friend holding his baby, with it's back against 00:02:57 This is another example of having to relearn something. I had been doing kicking exercises for sometime when I was at my nephew's christening and saw a friend holding his baby, with it's back against This is another example of having to relearn something. I had been doing kicking exercises for sometime when I was at my nephew's christening and saw a friend holding his baby, with it's back against his chest and the baby facing outwards, sitting on his arm. This baby was grinning and kicking like fury. I realised at that point what an important exercise this is to start making connections and getting the the strength into the quads and around the knees. I have spent so many hours kicking in one form or another. Left leg, right leg, both together, forward, backwards, holding, small controlled kicks, big long swinging kicks. Started from lying down and gradually sat more and more upright so that it comes more from the legs than the torso and stomach. All movement has to start from where there is movement. Hence in this video, you see quite a lot of effort coming from my upper body as well as the legs. Step by step, the focus and the desire to control and pushing the energy downwards opens connections and muscles start to react when they were not previously. At this point leaning over on one side was the only way to separate the leg movements and channel energy and control down one side only. Throughout my whole time I have had to work to not use my hips but use my legs. Though in the beginning it was a question of just using whatever I could to get started. I can see me starting to get really tired when I'm lain on my right side! Then we switch to trying to lift legs up (Hratch also had someone else working on different exercises. For once it wasn't me “sitting there dreaming”!) You can see there is some tension in the legs. Only one way to improve on this, and it's just more hours of doing this. At times I have been so mind-numbingly bored with all this exercise, while friends have been off doing stuff in their lives. And always I had to reach an acceptance with myself, that this is what I have chosen to do, and that the hours of donkey work are the unsexy part of my impossible dream. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/EDCF11B6-2B35-42E1-80DC-0FA0BDAF5FFD.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/EDCF11B6-2B35-42E1-80DC-0FA0BDAF5FFD.html Wed, 28 Feb 2007 18:41:12 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/EDCF11B6-2B35-42E1-80DC-0FA0BDAF5FFD_files/MC%20footage%20disc%205.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%205.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>I can't see exactly but the weight here is pretty light. Looks like about 20kgs only. In fact it's not even sufficient for the the leg press to return to the resting position by itself: Hratch has to 00:01:09 I can't see exactly but the weight here is pretty light. Looks like about 20kgs only. In fact it's not even sufficient for the the leg press to return to the resting position by itself: Hratch has to I can't see exactly but the weight here is pretty light. Looks like about 20kgs only. In fact it's not even sufficient for the the leg press to return to the resting position by itself: Hratch has to push it. But the legs are still pretty tense and not falling everywhere, showing that I was making an effort and working them. Look at the later clips of the leg press to see how things change. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/A5940229-1F1D-45C7-A57A-919DFEACA79C.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/A5940229-1F1D-45C7-A57A-919DFEACA79C.html Mon, 10 Jul 2006 23:26:21 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/A5940229-1F1D-45C7-A57A-919DFEACA79C_files/MC%20footage%20disc%204-4.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%204-4.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>I never know whether he's telling me the right weight or not. He just sets it at what he thinks I should be doing, and tries to take away from me the self-restricting idea of what I can and cannot do. 00:04:31 I never know whether he's telling me the right weight or not. He just sets it at what he thinks I should be doing, and tries to take away from me the self-restricting idea of what I can and cannot do. I never know whether he's telling me the right weight or not. He just sets it at what he thinks I should be doing, and tries to take away from me the self-restricting idea of what I can and cannot do. When I push, you can see that my legs are not always held rigid. This is only month 6 of working here. Much of what had gone previously was preoccupied with adjusting my mental state - stopping the lows and dealing with other issues. And building up initial tension was a big thing. I hated the leg press before my accident and I have done ever since, but it has helped me a lot. The severe energy that goes into pushing really activates the legs, and is often a good thing before Hratch works with the electric pads and pen. He gets more reaction from them when the legs have been working than when they come in cold. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/9C64D5D9-431B-4B18-8152-C3EDAC749689.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/9C64D5D9-431B-4B18-8152-C3EDAC749689.html Mon, 10 Jul 2006 23:13:49 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/9C64D5D9-431B-4B18-8152-C3EDAC749689_files/MC%20footage%20disc%204-3.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%204-3.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>So if you saw the more recent kicking clip, you'll see that I was sat up in it, whereas I'm more horizontal here. There was less connection back then and lying down was the only way I could get a more 00:02:19 So if you saw the more recent kicking clip, you'll see that I was sat up in it, whereas I'm more horizontal here. There was less connection back then and lying down was the only way I could get a more So if you saw the more recent kicking clip, you'll see that I was sat up in it, whereas I'm more horizontal here. There was less connection back then and lying down was the only way I could get a more controlled kick without just swinging the legs. And the ankle weights just made it that bit harder. When he says, kick the right then the left, the difference is hardly perceptible, as at that stage I still had no ability to go to one leg without the other joining in. There was chaos in the way messages went up and down. But he was always introducing me to doing things even though I was not necessarily able to do them. Change has come on very subtly and gradually. And I could always do a little bit more at the end of a session than I could at the outset. This one was also a killer on the stomach muscles. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1F70C172-6040-4EBE-A009-56A5045EDC89.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1F70C172-6040-4EBE-A009-56A5045EDC89.html Mon, 10 Jul 2006 23:04:20 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1F70C172-6040-4EBE-A009-56A5045EDC89_files/MC%20footage%20disc%204-2.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%204-2.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>Look at those thin little legs and fleshless bum. I looked paralysed then. Now I have people say, noticing the wheelchair after I've been speaking to them for some time, “So are you paralysed then? Yo 00:08:43 Look at those thin little legs and fleshless bum. I looked paralysed then. Now I have people say, noticing the wheelchair after I've been speaking to them for some time, “So are you paralysed then? Yo Look at those thin little legs and fleshless bum. I looked paralysed then. Now I have people say, noticing the wheelchair after I've been speaking to them for some time, “So are you paralysed then? You don't look it.” I still have to gain more muscle mass but my legs and bum have just changed so much and so many people have said so. I'm lifting my bum to help get more of the pull. This changes over time, so that the legs take over. All the time, the idea of control is being reinforced. My stomach muscles were the first thing to really change. Where the lower ones had become soft and flabby and not at all helpful or controlling in balance and strength, they soon connected and strengthened, as have the muscles in my lower back. All essential stuff. You can see greater strength in the push than the pull. It is, however, a push and not simply a flop with the hoist carrying the legs down. The last bit of this is quite impressive, I think. It may not be all organised, but I remember the day he first lowered my legs right down and took the harness off and I managed what you are seeing now. It was a massive achievement, one I had been working towards for some time. Often, when I am struggling to do something - as here trying to get legs flat down on the table - he gives an instruction or tells me to tense a particular part, and I'll find it happens. It's a curious thing, because I don't think about his instruction, but rather it goes straight in, my brain processes it and causes the correct reaction. My initial session was made up of an almost hypnotic mediation with him talking to me, giving my brain sets of instructions (I don't remember what) and he has had a direct connection since - not in a scary or taking me over way! But in a way that means I respond and achieve in situations like this one you are seeing. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/2C315084-109A-4575-B4DE-E8E23A69553F.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/2C315084-109A-4575-B4DE-E8E23A69553F.html Mon, 10 Jul 2006 22:46:10 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/2C315084-109A-4575-B4DE-E8E23A69553F_files/MC%20footage%20disc%204-1.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%204-1.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>This shows there are no short-cuts. You want to build tension and muscle, and re-establish the connections? Then you put in the effort. Hours and bloody hours of this damn stuff. I'm pleased that I ha 00:02:15 This shows there are no short-cuts. You want to build tension and muscle, and re-establish the connections? Then you put in the effort. Hours and bloody hours of this damn stuff. I'm pleased that I ha This shows there are no short-cuts. You want to build tension and muscle, and re-establish the connections? Then you put in the effort. Hours and bloody hours of this damn stuff. I'm pleased that I have tackled it with (mostly) good humour. That has really helped me through. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/9BED86F1-C379-454E-B986-9489DF3AE886.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/9BED86F1-C379-454E-B986-9489DF3AE886.html Mon, 10 Jul 2006 22:36:34 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/9BED86F1-C379-454E-B986-9489DF3AE886_files/MC%20footage%20disc%204-0.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%204-0.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>Oh my god. These standing exercising sessions were just all pain. My whole body was wanting to fall back, and my arms were pulling me up and forward with less assistance from my back, pelvis and legs. 00:05:45 Oh my god. These standing exercising sessions were just all pain. My whole body was wanting to fall back, and my arms were pulling me up and forward with less assistance from my back, pelvis and legs. Oh my god. These standing exercising sessions were just all pain. My whole body was wanting to fall back, and my arms were pulling me up and forward with less assistance from my back, pelvis and legs. Once I learnt to connect to them, they helped me stand and made it less agonising on the arms. Can you see how my bum sticks out a little? My hip-flexors were so tight in those days from my life spent sat in a wheelchair. Because of the pain, I'm constantly wanting to sit down and rest. Now I want to be up all the time. It was a constant battle between the pain in my arms and trying to take it away by focusing on the parts of me that would hold me up naturally. This is what Hratch is talking me through with his clear instruction. Can you see my reluctance to go back. Hratch says “Don't worry, you will not fall.” Looking at the clip, it is obvious that I would not fall, but having spent so long in a chair, I had a fear of being up. I denied this for ages and said it was just that I couldn't stand, not because I feared it. Then one day, when I switched to loving the standing exercises because it felt so incredibly good, rather than painful, I realised the immense psychological shift that I had just undertaken, and another barrier that paralysed people have to get through before walking. Not an easy one to explain as it is outside of our everyday lives and understanding. The instructions that he is giving me to “push on your legs and stand up” are all about the brain making the connections. My brain processes the instruction and although in reality at this stage it is my arms that do most of the work, my brain is already going into its instinctive memory and trying to send the instruction to the right muscles, and receive the feeling back. Little by little, these connections open up. It just takes a long while and much repetitive exercising. Same with pushing on my toes. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/F968E875-A041-48E2-8A25-F502651176AA.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/F968E875-A041-48E2-8A25-F502651176AA.html Mon, 10 Jul 2006 22:20:54 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/F968E875-A041-48E2-8A25-F502651176AA_files/MC%20footage%20disc%204.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage%20disc%204.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>Again, look how skinny my legs are! I have always had a love/hate relationship with this damned bike. Just when I think I am getting it, he'll change the exercise slightly and it'll slip away from me 00:09:30 Again, look how skinny my legs are! I have always had a love/hate relationship with this damned bike. Just when I think I am getting it, he'll change the exercise slightly and it'll slip away from me Again, look how skinny my legs are! I have always had a love/hate relationship with this damned bike. Just when I think I am getting it, he'll change the exercise slightly and it'll slip away from me again. It has a passive setting, yes, but it's the active one that concerns us. Working our way up through the gears. In the beginning we did whatever we could to get the pedals turning, as you can see. Later on it becomes more organised. But the great, or horrid, thing about gears is just when you think you're improving, Hratch is there demanding more! Everyone always asks me with the bike: how do you do that? I don't know! However I damn well can. How do you bike? I use my body more on the heavy gears, I guess, but then, that's a good thing. I mean, it's normal. Watch a cyclist going up a hill and you'll notice how he uses his body too. Then little by little, a gear that was difficult becomes easy and a higher one becomes the difficult one instead. It's all training. The stopping, going forwards and backwards, going slowly then fast then back down to slow, is all about control. He says, I do. The brain has to work with the legs to do what I (or Hratch!) want them to. Whereas pushing hard on a higher gear is all about getting energy right down into the legs and using such effort that the brain has to produce some reaction. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/E91B8373-98FB-48F9-801F-B3489A003694.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/E91B8373-98FB-48F9-801F-B3489A003694.html Wed, 12 Jul 2006 21:49:24 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/E91B8373-98FB-48F9-801F-B3489A003694_files/MC%20footage-3.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage-3.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>Here I am wearing my old callipers - the lower half of a full length set. My feet are dragging on the treadmill as I haven't got the strength yet to lift my legs sufficiently. That bloody dragging sou 00:02:34 Here I am wearing my old callipers - the lower half of a full length set. My feet are dragging on the treadmill as I haven't got the strength yet to lift my legs sufficiently. That bloody dragging sou Here I am wearing my old callipers - the lower half of a full length set. My feet are dragging on the treadmill as I haven't got the strength yet to lift my legs sufficiently. That bloody dragging sound haunting me because I knew that Hratch wasn't far behind to tell me not to drag them, meaning I had to make more and more effort all the time. No let up! When I watch this clip, I'm just amazed at how little there was at that point. I mean, control-wise. It was just a question of getting enough tension to haul the leg forwards, one after the other after the other. You can see the feet swinging out and forward and no real placing of the feet. They landed where they landed. But there have been days where I have absolutely loved this one. When the legs just get a real run for 30-60 minutes, and I just pictured my hill walking, or a forced tab on a T.A. weekend. Whenever I was struggling then with the distance or the weight, I would just get into the zone and just think, one foot in front of the other repeatedly, and the distance would add up, the breathing would ease off and be more natural, and at the end I would feel completely invigorated. And so it could be here too. Exactly the same motions and thought processes, always making me happy. Sometimes we go fast, other times slower, depending on what Hratch was hoping to achieve: opening the instinctive memory or controlling and activating leg muscles. Although they're intrinsically linked, at earlier stages of my rehab it was necessary to break them down. It's helpful seeing me muck it up. All my exercises I muck up at various points. This has been incredibly frustrating and some days it would leave me in a real low. But it also serves its purpose. Each time I progress, I have thought it normal and just assumed that of course I can do such and such. So when I can't do something one day that I could the day before, I am reminded that that was earned progress, and either the muscles are now tired (showing that they are responding) or my mind has gone somewhere else in my legs to work on something else and that later, I'll make permanent the previous progress. Nothing gets lost or goes away. If I keep working, everything stays. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1C374B97-E128-417D-AA2F-8B5E82B886B1.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1C374B97-E128-417D-AA2F-8B5E82B886B1.html Wed, 12 Jul 2006 20:05:30 +0100 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1C374B97-E128-417D-AA2F-8B5E82B886B1_files/MC%20footage-2.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage-2.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>It makes me smile looking back on this. I'm wearing the bottom half of my old callipers and great big, soft knee supports, as I couldn't lock my knees (couldn't even imagine locking them actually). I 00:04:31 It makes me smile looking back on this. I'm wearing the bottom half of my old callipers and great big, soft knee supports, as I couldn't lock my knees (couldn't even imagine locking them actually). I It makes me smile looking back on this. I'm wearing the bottom half of my old callipers and great big, soft knee supports, as I couldn't lock my knees (couldn't even imagine locking them actually). I used to hate that frame, then last year it became a friend, going round and round the village hall with me, allowing me to stand straight, lock my knees and walk. At the time, I used to just turn up with no real idea of what I was heading toward or what would fill the gap between this and my total recovery. The hoist straps are loose but allow me rests, as much of my weight is going on my arms. The knee supports allow me to stay upright, but introduce the idea that they have to lock and unlock by themselves as they are flexible. Bit by bit, this brought feeling and awareness to the knees, in a way that full length callipers do not. This is because the mind knows that the callipers are there to do all the work, and so the brain stops making the effort. I also like it as it shows the relationship between us as we work. There is good humour, but all the while he just pushes and pushes, and focuses hard on what I am doing, what's working what isn't and constantly tweaks, adjusts and pushes some more. Watching these clips through one after the other, makes me realise how much he says “learn to control.” This is what I am here to do, and it is constantly being reinforced. Every time I want to make it easier for myself, he stops me and makes me work harder. Something that I appreciate at the end of every session! //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/66249187-3867-4796-929C-25C44D9D1FD2.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/66249187-3867-4796-929C-25C44D9D1FD2.html Fri, 15 Feb 2008 18:52:47 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/66249187-3867-4796-929C-25C44D9D1FD2_files/MC%20footage-1.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage-1.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>This was the end of my first week playing with crutches. Here I am trying to get the balance with them. Just to stand, relax and let my legs and body take the weight. When it happens, it's such an ama 00:07:21 This was the end of my first week playing with crutches. Here I am trying to get the balance with them. Just to stand, relax and let my legs and body take the weight. When it happens, it's such an ama This was the end of my first week playing with crutches. Here I am trying to get the balance with them. Just to stand, relax and let my legs and body take the weight. When it happens, it's such an amazing, happy feeling. When I try to lift the stick, the balance in my legs is different and my body and mind were still adjusting to it. I should be able to stand with the weight equally balanced through both legs but often the holding on side would lift a bit. This changes. And it all gets easier. Progress, progress, progress. I have this irritating habit of working better under a stick than a carrot! Each time I get praise, I muck it up! I'm in a very light-hearted mood through this clip. It's hard to explain the excitement I've been feeling all week with what's going on and opening up. I mean, check out those steps towards the end of this clip. That is IMPOSSIBLE for a paraplegic. For anyone wanting to be up, they can train them with full length callipers, but not THIS. This is the result of 1000s of hours of progressive work. I reckon I make it look normal. Typically, the new steps I took because I wanted to were the best, but the camera wasn't switched on and when it was I was so tired, but at least you see the effort and the fact that I fall and get up and fall and get up! That's what it's all about. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/29338F0A-DABB-4617-B912-234CAFCCEA94.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/29338F0A-DABB-4617-B912-234CAFCCEA94.html Thu, 21 Feb 2008 18:22:58 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/29338F0A-DABB-4617-B912-234CAFCCEA94_files/MC%20footage-0.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/MC%20footage-0.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>The weight has increased since last year! Don't know whether you can see but each weight is 5kgs and the top one is 10 (I think, Hratch won't tell me, and him saying 20kgs is to take my mind off me th 00:06:50 The weight has increased since last year! Don't know whether you can see but each weight is 5kgs and the top one is 10 (I think, Hratch won't tell me, and him saying 20kgs is to take my mind off me th The weight has increased since last year! Don't know whether you can see but each weight is 5kgs and the top one is 10 (I think, Hratch won't tell me, and him saying 20kgs is to take my mind off me thinking I can't push because it's too heavy - i.e. using that negative thought as an excuse). The leg press is the one we all hate. It kills! But it is amazing how after a burn, the legs become so active. They feel warmth, burning, pressure and sometimes I can capture different muscles. When I say “I'm pushing it with my chest” I realise instantly that it's a stupid thing to say. With all my exercises, I have started thinking this or that is doing it, not me. And bit by bit, I have taken over. So when he puts the weight up here, it takes more effort, whereas when it's lighter, what started out as looking like being helped, is now easy and uses my leg and back muscles. It's an interesting one watching this for me too, because there's no way I could do what I am here if my legs weren't working somewhat. And this is all improvement. The weight, the length and style of push, the feelings when I do push, the way the legs hold themselves unlike the falling about a bit (seen in the earlier video clips). When he helps me, he only keeps his help on the limit of what I can do, never taking over and allowing me to slacken off. When I lock my legs down, that stretches the tendons in the backs of the knees. It used to be that I couldn't stretch my legs out fully as the tendons had tightened. When he gets me to hold my legs, again there is no way I could do this without activity in my legs. They would simply be flaccid. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/67CDE05B-CBC5-4604-B37A-EA640D0A6B16.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/67CDE05B-CBC5-4604-B37A-EA640D0A6B16.html Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:54:04 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/67CDE05B-CBC5-4604-B37A-EA640D0A6B16_files/Working%20Legs%20in%20Harness%2029Feb08.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/Working%20Legs%20in%20Harness%2029Feb08.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>In this one I'm (again) trying to pull the leg back using muscles from the back, connecting through my bum and into my legs. After a time of doing this and making an effort, it would amaze me how I wo 00:05:01 In this one I'm (again) trying to pull the leg back using muscles from the back, connecting through my bum and into my legs. After a time of doing this and making an effort, it would amaze me how I wo In this one I'm (again) trying to pull the leg back using muscles from the back, connecting through my bum and into my legs. After a time of doing this and making an effort, it would amaze me how I would feel certain muscles come up, especially those in my bum. Because I have more tension in my left leg and greater flexibility in my right, often I would feel the muscles on the left in my bum more, and more quickly. The idea is not to just swing the leg, but control it and push back as far as possible, feeling the muscle pull in at the furthest extension. Hratch makes me change the way I move my leg, from forwards and backwards to pulling my knee towards my face. This change shows an element of control. Here I am to keep tension in the leg on the way down as well as the way up, and the moment I feel my leg pulling with the harness, I hold the knee up and then start the push afresh. All the while I am doing this exercise I am also mentally going into the muscles that are working to try to feel them more. The more I feel, the more control I have, the more I feel, etc. Hratch gives instructions which serve to make me do other things and also to bring awareness of what muscles I should be working. Instructions are clear cut. This is easy for my brain to react to and make the adjustments and corrections. The hoist is assisting me, but not doing all the work. I am still paralysed and my muscles are still not strong enough to carry all the weight of my legs. However, I must learn control, and through this I can also increase their mass. Little by little. Notice the kick of the lower limb - towards the end - which cannot be done by using muscles above injury site, but from muscles in legs. Hratch always likes to see suffering and effort! Just with working out in any gym, the final push and effort gets the greatest results. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1770D09D-E462-4BE9-A5C6-4D07EF68B3FB.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1770D09D-E462-4BE9-A5C6-4D07EF68B3FB.html Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:14:25 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/1770D09D-E462-4BE9-A5C6-4D07EF68B3FB_files/Knees%20to%20chest%2029Feb08.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/Knees%20to%20chest%2029Feb08.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>With all the standing work recently, and these kinds of exercises shown here, my knees have been really responsive of late. I have much more awareness in them, and sensation too when I, or anyone, tou 00:04:31 With all the standing work recently, and these kinds of exercises shown here, my knees have been really responsive of late. I have much more awareness in them, and sensation too when I, or anyone, tou With all the standing work recently, and these kinds of exercises shown here, my knees have been really responsive of late. I have much more awareness in them, and sensation too when I, or anyone, touch them. In this exercise, in with the pull and push, I am striving to feel the muscles above the knees and use that sensation to control my pull and push and get more. He has 2 harnesses, this one is free running, and helps carry the weight of the legs - as my muscles are not yet strong enough to do it all themselves - but allows me to work on control. Every time I think about stopping, Hratch pushes me on, and his instructions make me get a bit more out of every push and pull. Listen to them, and you'll hear how positive they are, continually reinforcing the idea of me controlling them. Here you can clearly see the tension in the legs. To get even this tension has taken hundreds of hours of work. This one also kills the stomach muscles! //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/F0D6E1F0-7BB2-4130-B975-6433194E7DC1.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/F0D6E1F0-7BB2-4130-B975-6433194E7DC1.html Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:51:07 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/F0D6E1F0-7BB2-4130-B975-6433194E7DC1_files/Crutches%2021%20feb%2008-0.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/Crutches%2021%20feb%2008-0.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>(I don't know why the sound quality is so slow at the beginning. Sorry.) Here you see me fall over lots as I am still not stable on my legs and the crutches do not offer the stability that a walking f 00:02:24 (I don't know why the sound quality is so slow at the beginning. Sorry.) Here you see me fall over lots as I am still not stable on my legs and the crutches do not offer the stability that a walking f (I don't know why the sound quality is so slow at the beginning. Sorry.) Here you see me fall over lots as I am still not stable on my legs and the crutches do not offer the stability that a walking frame does - which is good as it makes me work harder to gain stability. The reason I am in a hoist is to stop me hitting the floor when I fall and to make getting upright possible. When I am upright then the straps are slack and do not hold me up at all. My legs do that. I am wearing below knee splints which hold my ankles firm (as these have a way to go yet) and also the shoes I am wearing have had the toes raised a little to just help pull the calf muscles. At this stage I haven't the balance to operate the crutches independently, so Hratch makes me move them both forward together and then follow with steps, the focus being on locking the bracing knee and kicking the moving leg (rather than swinging the hip) when I take a step forward. Getting up is still an issue to overcome. When I go too quickly and without thought it often leads nowhere. I want to get up in one clean movement and not lean on the straps halfway through. I should add that when my legs aren't taking the weight, it kills my hands, arms and shoulders, so lessening the pain there becomes motivation for standing properly! All part of the mental process of working it out. When I do stand tall, it's the most enjoyable feeling ever, and feels completely natural and right. The weight goes down my torso, through my hips legs knees and the feet feel the pressure in them. //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/B2116621-0CD0-4FF0-A238-59EA91418967.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/B2116621-0CD0-4FF0-A238-59EA91418967.html Tue, 19 Feb 2008 23:05:22 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/B2116621-0CD0-4FF0-A238-59EA91418967_files/Treadmill%2019Feb08.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/Treadmill%2019Feb08.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>For some reason I'm doing this exercise wearing my lower leg splints and shoes. Normally, I don't do this these days. I think I will try to get another more instructive clip to post, as it doesn't rea 00:01:10 For some reason I'm doing this exercise wearing my lower leg splints and shoes. Normally, I don't do this these days. I think I will try to get another more instructive clip to post, as it doesn't rea For some reason I'm doing this exercise wearing my lower leg splints and shoes. Normally, I don't do this these days. I think I will try to get another more instructive clip to post, as it doesn't really show this exercise or what I am doing currently very well. The purpose of the treadmill is different to the walking frame and crutches. This allows my legs to run and helps open up the muscle memory and instinct. Sometimes when I concentrate hard on what I am doing it becomes disordered, and when I think about something completely unrelated, my breathing calms and the legs return to doing what they've always done. What you can see is the lower limb kicking strongly. This would not be possible to do from the hips, but must come from in the legs. In the earlier clips you can see my toes dragging along the treadmill, whereas these days there is enough tension in the ankle and lift from the thighs that they don't do that. The ankle weight makes the thigh work harder to lift and is all part of control and muscle building. And by making it go faster, I have to hold the tension in my legs for longer, as there can be a delay in the command to tense and relax so I wouldn't be able to get the legs forward in time if I did relax them as the treadmill takes them back. This is good as I can be too quick to let go of muscles once I've tightened them - Hratch likes to remind me about the perils of falling over at inappropriate times after I'm walking! //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/79B9F37B-16BE-4720-947E-96C41451550A.html //www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/79B9F37B-16BE-4720-947E-96C41451550A.html Mon, 3 Mar 2008 21:36:00 +0000 <a href="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/79B9F37B-16BE-4720-947E-96C41451550A_files/Advances%20with%20Crutches.m4v"><img src="//www.myscirecovery.myzen.co.uk/myscirecovery/Video%20Clips%20and%20Commentaries/Images/Advances%20with%20Crutches.jpg" style="float:left; padding-right:10px; padding-bottom:10px; width:174px; height:131px;"/></a>This was another incredible session. In the last 3 weeks, the changes have been coming in so fast. You can see the progress since the last walking with crutches video clip, where my balance on my legs 00:09:48 This was another incredible session. In the last 3 weeks, the changes have been coming in so fast. You can see the progress since the last walking with crutches video clip, where my balance on my legs This was another incredible session. In the last 3 weeks, the changes have been coming in so fast. You can see the progress since the last walking with crutches video clip, where my balance on my legs was not sufficient to move the crutches independently, and the movement was sudden and unconfident, as more of my weight is being held up by my arms and not my legs as it should be - and is beginning to be here. Here I have to get up - the smooth motion and not leaning on the straps is still one to master - steady myself then move one crutch forward followed by same side leg, then other crutch, other leg, and so on. Also, I'm wanting to be next to people so I can see and they can see that I am 6'2” tall, as you can see when Hratch says to the girl, “Tell him he's tall.” This is a massive and very important mental shift that happened some time ago. I want to be up all the time and have people think of me as the tall Guy they knew previously and not a 4'6” person in a wheelchair. Hratch picks up on all these things and reinforces them in every session and every exercise. Watching these videos is just as instructive for me.